I don’t get help because I am the helper.
I’m sure I’m not the only person who can relate to this. You’re the friend who helps everyone, gives them advice when they need it, tells them they’re perfect when they feel ugly, and help them with their relationships even though you’ve never been in one yourself. But then the time comes around for you to be sad, for you to need help, and they’re not there to give it. Sure, sometimes you may not tell people you need help when you need it, but when you do tell everyone just ignores the fact and continues on with their lives like you don’t matter. And then the next day they come to you for more help.
I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even care if I get their help or not. I wouldn’t even know what to do if they did offer help, I’ve never been on the other side of the relationship and I would feel out of place if I was. I’ve become better at dealing with my feelings and problems myself rather than telling anyone or even anything.
This is literally my life everyday, everyday god damn day. I’m so used to helping other people I forgot how to help myself. It’s gotten to the point where I listen to everyone’s problems and try to help them with so much effort that I make their problems mine, completely oblivious to the fact that they’re not.
I… kind of thought i was the only one. Asking for help, even when it’s presented me with a pretty little bow on it, just feels wrong. There are so many others that need it, that I would be taking from it just never felt right. I would much rather make sure those around me are happy, they deserve to be.
It’s depressing how true this is; I helped out a friend today, despite being in a shitty mood. But I put them before my own problems because I care for them more than I do for my own life, oddly enough. I just wish that sometimes people could notice when I’m down and offer a hand… although, simultaneously, I don’t want to seem like an attention whore (because I have been called that in the past for sulking over something)
I am the helper. I will do everything for my friends and then… when I’m done helping (it never ends) they leave feeling better or more okay with the world and I have to try and deal with my own issues on my own. I love helping. I really do. I think I’m good at it but sometimes, I worry. I worry that this is all I’m good at. That this is the only reason people want to be my friend. I neglect myself just to make others feel good. They deserve to feel good. They really do. I try my hardest to make them feel better about the world and that yes, I am there for them always. To just talk or to ask for vindication for a decision. Even if they don’t take me up on the offer. If they don’t feel good, I feel guilty for the good-things in my life. I help for, everything. The big-things, the little-things, the trivial-things, and the things-not-worth-worrying-about. Then, when folks try to repay me for it, I turn them down. It’s what I do. I don’t want to have things in exchange for a few words.
Yeah, so, I am a Helper. The world needs those friends who are Helpers but sometimes we need Helpers too.